Fading Hope
by Redmissy100
Summary: A new girl is injured during a fight. Can the titans help her through so much. I suck at summeries...its actually pretty good.


Rowan had always been different, she'd known that her entire life; she was quiet, often resigned into her own thoughts, and loved the night. Even when she got older, she didn't grow out of her solitude. She wasn't shy—Rowan was sure of this—she wasn't in the least afraid to voice her thoughts, but she never seemed to be comfortable around other people.

But despite the obvious differences between her and her class-mates, Rowan had no idea how different she would become.

Rowan sighed at her reflection as she woke up. She sluggishly grabbed a brush and forced it through her tangled blonde hair, her black and violet highlights sticking out in odd directions. At last she gave up and sighed again at herself. "Happy Birthday," she muttered, before heading downstairs to grab breakfast.

Her Fifteenth birthday. That was when it all began.

It was less than a year later—five months to be exact—when her mom told her they were moving. Rowan couldn't do anything but stare at her for several seconds. _Moving? Moving! Away from her home? The only place she ever knew? Away from her beautiful night sky and her perfectly painted duplication of the stars on her ceiling? Away from the woods behind her house? From the majestic wolves that occasionally crept into her backyard? From her life?_

"This will be good for you. You can make new friends. You know you might be more popular if you stopped wearing that ridiculous get-up of yours."

Rowan looked down at her black-on-black assemble before scowling at her mom. She was unpopular long before she started wearing dark clothing.

Demonic powers. Two months later, seven months since she received her "gift" and that was still what she thought of them. She could control others, force their bodies to do things they would never do on their own. She could control other things too, but the most important, the thing she had to control all the time, was her emotions.

She'd learned that less than a week after her birthday. She'd been fighting with her sister, not a big thing, pretty much an everyday occurrence for Rowan, but she'd gotten _mad. _And that's when she found out what her powers could do, what she could do.

Ever since they moved Rowan had been darker than ever. Everything she'd loved had been ripped from her grasp. Her woods, watching the wolves roam, her star coated ceiling, her beautiful country night sky, even her ability to express herself freely.

She was utterly and completely alone, days dragging on and on, trying to just get through the day without killing someone, until one day.

_I've seen the world in darkness,_

Walking home from school Rowan could hear screams coming from up ahead. She pulled herself out of her thoughts to see an indescribable animal trashing several buildings. It was a mutant or something, Rowan couldn't be sure. It looked like a cross between a bull, alligator, and some kind of wild cat.

Dropping her backpack on the sidewalk, she moved before she fully realized what she was doing. She stood in the center of the street, ignoring the people running around her, and focused on the mutant in front of her.

She tried, for the first time, to focus her powers, to let out only a little bit. She'd never tried anything like that before; she'd only ever suppressed them. She slowly trickled her energy into the animal, trying to find its nerve system in order to control it.

But that only seemed to make the mutant angry. It turned its attention to her, and at that moment she was certain it was partly a bull, because it came charging her like one.

She didn't shy away though. She stood her ground, a determined look in her eye as she stared at the charging animal, and tried to push her way into the mutant's mind. She felt she almost had it, almost enough control over the animal now only feet away, when something hard and solid hit her, flattening her. It fell down on top of her and she felt wind rush by as the bull-mutant ran over where she was standing moments earlier.

When she got her bearings she saw the thing that hit her was a boy, around her age. She pushed him off her, angry at him for making her lose focus on the animal, for stopping her from trying to do something good with her curse.

"What are you doing!" she yelled at him.

"Saving your life!" He yelled back, once he got over the shock of her anger.

"I didn't need a hero. I was fine." She snapped.

"You were standing in front of a charging—"

"I was fine. I knew what I was doing," _sort of. _She added mentally. She took a breath and calmed herself. "I have to find that thing. I have to stop it." She climbed to her feet and stared off in the direction the animal went.

"Are you crazy? You're going after that thing alone?"

"Well what else am I supposed to do? Wait for it to hurt some-one?" She started to scrutinize the boy, something tugging at the back of her mind. "Don't I know you from somewhere?"

Suddenly another boy ran up. "Robin! We got your distress signal. Are you okay?" For the first time Rowan was aware of her surroundings. She blinked at the second boy to make sure she wasn't seeing things. He was green.

"Oh. Of course. You're Robin, from the teen titans. That's where I knew you from. You were in the newspaper." She shrugged, happy now that she knew what she was thinking of and turned her attention back to the mutant. "I have to go after it."

"What are you going to do? We can handle it." Robin said.

"Anything I can."

Rowan was running, as far and as fast as she could, her mind much further than her, searching for the bull-like animal. She wasn't even in control anymore, instinct was taking over, and her instinct was to find the animal before it could hurt anyone.

Suddenly, she found herself face to face with the creature, hot breath on her skin. She wasn't sure what she was doing, but she did the first thing she could think of. She threw her mind out and forced her way into the brain of the creature.

And suddenly she lost herself. She was no longer conscience of her body. She felt as if she were floating, floating in the mind of the mutant. And she was being overwhelmed. She couldn't tell what her own thoughts were and what the animals were.

The two minds seemed to clash, wrapping around each other, blending and raging war. It seemed to tire her out, as if they were physically fighting. And then she fell into unfeeling darkness.

She sat up with a start, unsure what woke her. "How do you feel?" A rough voice asked. Rowan turned toward the voice to see a girl with violet hair and eyes she recognized as Raven.

"Fine." She answered immediately. Raven nodded, accepting this. She left silently, not making another sound. It wasn't until Rowan stood up that she realized how sore she really was. She groaned quietly and looked around the unfamiliar room. The darkness from the windows caught her eye and she made her way to the window.

It was a beautiful scene, the city lights twinkling on the water of the bay, but it still wasn't as beautiful as her country sky. "It's beautiful." She said softly to the figure she felt coming up behind her. "I've never really liked the city, but I suppose it can be nice."

"Why do you live here if you don't like the city?"

Rowan shrugged. "That's what my mom wanted." They were both silent for a while, watching out the window as the sun began to rise. "what happened? How did I get here?"

"You don't remember?" Robin asked.

"Remember what?" Rowan asked, turning to look at the teen hero for the first time.

"We found right next to that creature. You weren't breathing, and…we thought you were…dead. Then you're eyes opened and you were convulsing and talking, but we couldn't understand a thing you were saying."

Suddenly memories flooded back to Rowan, and she had to sit down for fear of losing her balance. "That…that thing. I kill—it's dead. It…it wasn't normal. Something was wrong with it. It…it was part of something bigger, bigger and far more dangerous."

Rowan shuttered and had to calm herself, reminding herself what happened when she wasn't in control. "I—I think I should go home. I need to sleep."

"You can stay here." Robin offered. "You've already been here most of the night."

Rowan was about to refuse. She opened her mouth but instead a yawn came out, and she realized how tired she really was. There was no way she would make it home without passing out. "Maybe…maybe just a little bit." She said softly, falling asleep against the window just as the sun rose over the horizon.

_I've seen the world in light,_

Beast Boy was amazed with the girl. It seemed as if she felt nothing, nothing at all. She wasn't cold like Raven, or sarcastic, or got annoyed by Beast Boy's pestering. She was absolutely nothing.

The only thing that seemed alive about her was her vivid brown eyes. They flashed a dozen different shades, never seeming to be the same color as the second before, ranging from pale brown-orange to a deep moss green.

Raven had insisted at Rowan staying in the tower for a while to make sure she didn't have any after-effects of her infiltration of the mutant creatures mind.

Starfire seemed to take a liking to the Goth girl, enjoying her company on trips to the mall or picking up human cooking tips from her.

Rowan seemed to fall into step with the entire team easily enough, but was still redrawn, much like Raven when they first started the team.

Rowan was withdrawn, but that made her see so much more than others, even Raven. Raven was an amazing empath, and good observer, but she couldn't see things close to her, Rowan mused one day. She was so close to things, she couldn't see the big picture, unlike Rowan.

Rowan saw it all. And even in her seemingly emotionless state, she couldn't help give the smallest smile at how oblivious the team could be to each other. She saw the looks Robin and Starfire gave each other, she saw how much Starfire wanted Robin's approval. She saw how much the entire team loved each other, even if they couldn't.

_I've seen a world of love,_

It was the mutant that haunted her though; she knew she killed it, but she also knew it wasn't the only one out there, and that they were powerful, very powerful.

She relived that day in her mind over and over again, remembering how strong the creature's mind was, far stronger than even the most disciplined humans. She had nightmares about it. It was like a physical fight.

She remembered their two minds clashing, and her and the mutant trying to push each other back, forcing the other into oblivion. And the creature had been stronger, so much stronger. It pushed her all the way to the edge, until she remembered what she stood for. She turned around and pushed it off instead, doing everything she could, but not without falling off herself.

She'd killed something. And she felt horrible. Even if it had been trying to kill her, she'd never want to hurt something, or someone. That's why she didn't get attached to people, why she locked herself away. She never knew what her powers could do.

_I've seen a world of fight,_

It had been three days, and the latest storm still had not passed, seeming to drag on forever. And Rowan seemed to fade, not seeming to even be connected to the world. She didn't even have that silent determination, or that livid, uncontrollable need to fight, and prove herself like the first time Beast Boy saw her.

She seemed lifeless. Her skin was paler than death, her eyes no longer bright and determined, and her smile even rarer. She seemed so depressed. No longer unfeeling, just…depressed.

_The stars no longer shine,_

_In the darkness of the night,_

And one day, Beast Boy woke up, and she was just gone. Without a trace; it was as if she'd never been there. She disappeared into the night, no note, nothing. Until Beast Boy found a small book; her journal. He turned to the last page and saw it was stained with tears. I ink was smudged but he was able to make it out, and read in her quick scroll:

Dear Beast Boy,

I'm sure you will be the first to find this, and the first to realize I'm gone. And I am. I will not be coming back, and I am sorry for that. Please believe that my reason is more legitimate than in sounds. I'm afraid. And I know that sounds stupid but it is true. I am afraid for you and all the titans. My powers consist of mind control, and you've seen what happens because I am not in control. I killed.

Please know that I care for all of you, and wish you all the best, but I cannot stay. I don't want to imagine what could happen if I got even more attached than I already am. Death is something that is easily made, and impossible to reverse. I am leaving to protect you all. I cannot feel. It is even more dangerous for me than for Raven. I could easily force you to do anything I wanted at my will. And I will not risk that. But if you think nothing else of me, know I will use my powers as best I can. Even as little as that is.

Goodbye Titans,

Rowan

_The beauty disappears,_

_No longer in my sight._


End file.
